


astronomy in reverse

by drunklesbian



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Soulmate AU, also just making up the trojans bc, fluff that turns into ansgt, i have no idea about exy ok, i'll prob add some tags later yikes, implied abuse/torture as in canon, jeremy pov
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-29 16:37:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6384214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drunklesbian/pseuds/drunklesbian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Soulmate AU where the everything that you write on your skin appears on your soulmates skin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	astronomy in reverse

**Author's Note:**

> hi and welcome to this Mess :-)))  
> ayy first of all, i really can't remember much from the books about jean and jeremy and the trojans, treally here isn't much to remember,, so forgive me if anything in this fic contradicts canon  
> secondly, a huge thank you to [zoe](http://queenofshadcws.tumblr.com/) for sacrificing your precious time to read this over and correcting my horrible grammar (someone teach me tenses pls)
> 
> now, title is from the song 'venus' by sleeping at last and chapter 1's title from zayn malik's 'golden'
> 
> and yeah, i hope this is halfway decent ?? i literally didn't sleep last night bc i wanted to finish chapter one and well here it is  
> (i hope to upload chapter two by friday, hopefully sooner!! and chapter three we'll see)

**soulmate** **→** noun; _a person with whom you have a strong connection, so strong that you are drawn to them in a way you have never experienced before._ [[x](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=soulmate)]

 

 

;;;

 

Jeremy Knox grew up surrounded by love. It wasn't just that he was loved by his parents and siblings, they all adored each other. His parents relationship was nothing but affectionate and they raised their children not as if it was a job or a burden in any way, it was their purpose, one they were looking for their whole life, and when they found it every single piece in their life clicked together to a broader image.

 

The Knoxes weren't a picture perfect family of course. They had their problems and crises. They fought and wronged each other, but they always made up.

 

Jeremy Knox grew up surrounded by love, the purest kind. It wasn't just that his parents loved one another, they were soulmates. They balanced each other, build a strong unit against any harshness the world had to offer. Together, they were unbeatable.

One day Jeremy Knox would meet his own soulmate, and then he would never let go.

 

;;;

 

“Mom, when was the first time dad marked you?”

 

Marissa Knox was standing in the middle of the living room, adjusting the ornaments on the Christmas tree. “Hm, let me think. If I remember it correctly—and so far my memory hasn't betrayed me—it was on the second Christmas day when I had barely turned sixteen. We were celebrating at Grandma Jodie's, when suddenly a drawing—a rather bad one if you can keep this a secret—of a snowman appeared on my left arm,” she started explaining. Jeremy knew this story by heart, had heard it a million times in his 8 years of life. But it was his favourite one, especially when it was told by his mother.

 

“I knew what it was, but still couldn't wonder if it was simply something your Aunt Dana doodled on me while the house was asleep. By the end of dinner a second drawing—even worse than the first one, it's no wonder your father is just a history teacher—appeared. It was a Santa Claus, at least I think that is what he was trying to draw. The words ' _merry christmas_ ' were written messily—can you please pass me that blue, ah thank you—under the drawing.” Jeremy remembered the Christmas cards his father brought home last year. He said he tried to copy the mark he did that day; his mother laughed and framed one of the cards in their bedroom.

 

“I didn't mark back for a week, had been tormenting him, as your father says,” she added with a wink. “But really, he couldn't have known that I even got the mark. And I was just overwhelmed, I guess. As you know my parents are not soulmates and no one else from my family had been marked at that time. I was the first one. It was the third day of the new year when I finally marked him back, and since that day we haven't stopped marking to each other for years.” She was finished with the tree and sat down on the couch, patting the place next to her. Jeremy climbed as close to her as possible, savouring her warmth.

 

“One day, Jeremy, you will get a mark, and despite everything you will still be overwhelmed. But I also believe that you will find happiness; a wonderful boy like you can only get the best soulmate. Just please, for the love of god, don't let your first mark be a drawing of a snowman,” she finished, and held her son as he laughed.

 

;;;

 

“Dad, when did you meet mom for the first time?”

 

Michael Knox was sitting at the breakfast table, reading one of the many history papers he had to grade during the Christmas break. “Well, son, it was a beautiful day. A Sunday, or maybe a Friday, and the sun was shining bright. I was outside with some of my friends, doing nothing, really. Back then young adults like me loved to just browse through the streets, looking for adventure, excitement, maybe even trouble. It was at Mr. Jenkins house that I spotted her, the most beautiful woman on earth. You know who I'm talking about?” Jeremy rolled his eyes. “Mom, of course.”

 

“No, I was talking about Mrs. Jenkins.” Jeremy giggled. He wouldn't exactly describe his 96 year-old-neighbour who yelled at kids for playing on her street as beautiful.

 

After taking another sip of coffee, his father continued. “Mrs. Jenkins had been talking to two young girls, one of them you probably don't remember, Rebecca Hendrix. She moved to Australia two years ago. A mean one, never shared her cookie recipes. Anyway, next to Rebecca was standing your mother. I wish I could say it was love at first sight, but to be completely honest, she had one of the worst sunburns I've ever seen, it made her whole face look like a lobster. Which is exactly what I told her.” Jeremy started laughing, trying to imagine his mothers face. “She punched me, which was probably well-deserved, but it was in that moment that I saw the drawings on her arm. Then I forgot about them for a moment, because your mother sure can throw a punch,” he rubbed his face, as if still remembering the pain.

 

Jeremy wondered briefly who would win in a fight, his mother or Ms. Marvel. He guessed his mother was at disadvantage with Ms. Marvel being a shapeshifter.

 

“When I looked back, your mother was already studying my arms, and it just clicked. We went to get gelato, me with a bruising eye, her with a throbbing hand. We talked for hours; it was dark outside by the time I remembered that I had to pick up your Uncle Gerry from his friends house. It was like I forgot time existed near your mother. We promised to meet up the next day and we did, and the day after that, and after that, and—“

 

“—after that. Wasn't it weird at first? I mean you've only ever communicated through marks.”

 

Jeremy's father traced some lines on his left arm. They still marked each other. “Do you know how much money we save that way?” His mother joked once. But Jeremy knew that they marks usually just said stuff like ' _I love you_ ' and ' _Remember Christmas '96_?'.

 

(Jeremy still didn't know about Christmas 1996. He had asked his parents over and over again but they wouldn't budge.)

 

“No, not at all. You know, when soulmates meet, they just connect. What actually felt weird was being apart from your mom. I was ready to marry her the moment she punched me. But she didn't want me courting her. She broke my heart day after day, telling me she wants nothing but friendship. So that's what we were, for over a year.”

 

“Best friends,” Marissa corrected him, walking into the kitchen. She was carrying Jeremy's backpack, and he realized he may be late for school. But after checking his watch—a present for Christmas—he saw he still got fifteen minutes until the bus came to pick him and his siblings up.

 

“Yes, best friends. In the end, I didn't care in what way we were together, as long as I could be near your mother. Of course in the end I did persuade her to marry me. No one can resist my charms for long,” he added, and his mother slapped his arm. He pretended to be in serious pain, or maybe he actually was, but his mother rushed him to get his brother and sister.

 

Sliding out the kitchen he saw his parents kiss and he wasn't as grossed out by this as his younger sister Maddie was. He felt quite happy.

 

;;;

 

Jeremy was staring at his mother's tattoo. It was a small one on her wrist; a bird breaking out of a cage. She once told him that she got it after moving with her mom away from her father. He still didn't know why they moved, she wouldn't tell him. But the tattoo was quite beautiful, elegant lines and pale colours.

 

“Mom, why didn't your tattoo get marked to dad?” He had never actually thought about it. Shouldn't his father technically also have a bird on his wrist?

 

“A tattoo is different, it's permanent, for a lifetime.”

 

“Like a soulmate!”

 

“Yes, like a soulmate,” she said, with a soft smile at her husband. “You see, no one really knows how soulmates work, there is no science to it. My guess is, that since a tattoo is a permanent mark, you can't just force it on your soulmate. What if they don't want it? You'd be not just tattooing your body.”

 

That made sense. “So, it only works with temporary marks, like with a sharpie?”

 

“Exactly.”

 

;;;

 

 

Jeremy Knox was turning nine in a couple of days. He felt like a true adult writing all the invitations to his birthday party while eating a PB&J sandwich he made for himself.

It wasn't going to be a big party, he only wanted to celebrate with his closest friends. His siblings would be there too, even his older sister Karen was flying over from Scotland. He hadn't seen her in over three months, since she left for university and he missed her a lot. He hoped she got him a nice present from abroad and wouldn't talk as weird as Scottish people did in the videos he looked up earlier.

 

He had just finished the last invitation when his dad came home. He heard him greet his siblings and whisper with his mom. Jeremy was smart, so he guessed it was about his birthday present.

 

He went to the sink to wash his plate when his father ruffled his hair. It didn't annoy him as much as it probably should.

 

“So, Friday is the big day. You're becoming a real man! Soon you're going to be older than me.”

 

“Dad, that's impossible,” Jeremy answered. Turning, he saw his father smiling down at him. He won't get older than him, but soon he'll definitely be taller.

 

“Who said that? You know that anything's possible. Especially for someone as Jeremy Knox!” Jeremy giggled despite himself. After kissing his head, Michael left the kitchen, and Jeremy gathered the envelopes.

 

He eyed the sharpie for a while, looked around, and grabbed it. Slowly, he wrote the word ' _hi_ ' on his left arm and waited. When nothing happened after a minute he put the sharpie back in the case and stood up. He wouldn't let this foul his mood. He was turning nine in a couple of days after all.

 

;;;

 

His party had been a blast. He played with his friends in the garden until it turned dark and then his father started a bonfire. They ate s'mores and shared horror stories and laughed. Jeremy got all the presents he wanted and Karen brought him a traditional Scottish kilt, which he found hilarious. He fell asleep with the taste of gooey marshmallows on his tongue and a smile on his face.

 

 

The next morning he was the first one to get up, or at least he thought so until he saw Karen in the kitchen. She smiled at his confused expression.

 

“Time zones. I couldn't fall asleep.”

 

Jeremy had no idea what jet-lag felt like, since the farthest they'd ever traveled was to visit his grandma Jodie in California. He hoped to travel the world one day. He was curious to meet different people and learn more about other cultures. Maybe he would go study abroad like Karen.

 

He poured himself some cereal and sat next to her. She was typing something on her laptop, probably some research paper, and it took Jeremy a while to figure out why she looked different to him. Sure, she had cut her hair and her skin was paler, but something else was sticking out, something—

 

“Karen!” Jeremy took her hand and studied the inside of her wrist. There, he found words, clearly not in her neat hand writing. He looked back to her face to find her smiling. “You were marked? When? How? Why didn't you tell me?”

 

She laughed at his eager tone and pushed her laptop away. “It happened four months ago. I was sitting in class when the mark appeared on my hand. And you know what it was? A cheesecake recipe. My first mark was a cheesecake recipe.” Jeremy couldn't help but laugh with his older sister. “I still tease her about it. It wasn't even a good recipe. She used raisins. Who does that?” Karen looked so happy talking about it, her smile broad and eyes shinning. She looked content. Her life in Scotland was obviously—

 

“Wait, she? Have you already met her?”

 

He didn't think that it was possible, but her smile stretched even wider. “Yes! Her name is El. Oh my god Jeremy, you will love her. I met her at a comic shop, looking for some comics for you, when suddenly I see my handwriting on someone's arm. It was the most surreal moment in my life, but when she looked at me I felt, I don't know, home,” Karen's face softened and she continued telling him about El, how she had made her a cheesecake for their first date and how they were planning to move in together.

 

“Have you told mom and dad?”

 

“Not yet, I will today. I didn't want to rob any attention from the birthday boy, did I?” Jeremy blushed and they talked more about El and Scotland, he asked about the accent and was mortified to hear Karen imitate it. They laughed so hard they woke their parents, and when Karen told them about everything they ate breakfast together and Jeremy felt happy and content and home.

 

;;;

 

He thought a lot about what Karen said, how she felt at home when she finally met El. Jeremy wondered what it must feel like to feel so safe with a person, wondered about that kind of connection.

 

He wandered around the house, dwelling on the word home, and eventually went to his room and got a sharpie. He wrote the word ' _hi_ ' on his arm again, and when he didn't get an answer he wrote it again and again, but after an hour he gave up waiting and went to find Karen. She would be leaving in a week, ready to move in with her girlfriend—her soulmate.

 

He found her in her room sleeping, so he left her to it and went outside instead. Maddie and Ronnie were playing some ballgame. He joined them, throwing the ball around, trying to distract himself from Karen's soon departure and soulmates.

 

After exhausting himself he lay down on the grass, listening to Maddie singing some song about ducks and bears. It wasn't making any sense but she had a nice voice and he nearly fell asleep there in the sun when someone pulled his hand. It was Ronnie, staring at him with big eyes. Brushing his arms in the places he tried marking his soulmate Ronnie asked quietly, “What if they are dead?”

 

He looked like a lost angel, so Jeremy took him into his arms and explained, “When your soulmate dies, you get a mark. Not like the marks mom and dad have, a different one. It shows their name, so you can look them up and see what happened to them. I don't have any marks on me, and neither have you, so somewhere out there are two people who will make us very happy one day.”

 

Maddie started singing a different song, something more cheerful, and Jeremy started tickling Ronnie, which resulted in an unending fit of laughter.

 

 

Later, when the Knox family was gathered around the dinner table, Jeremy studied his arms again. It was possible that his soulmate had been sleeping when Jeremy wrote on his skin, they could be living all over across the globe; Karen met hers in Scotland, so what's the possibility his soulmate lived near him?

 

He checked before going to bed, set an alarm for 3 am, and checked again in the morning. His skin was still bare.

 

;;;

 

Jeremy was helping Karen pack her bags while Maddie was trying on some of her older sister's dresses. With every item he gave Karen his mood grew worse; he didn't want her to leave. He'd always been close to her, always talked more freely around her. In many ways he looked up to her. She was coming back in only seven months and Jeremy already missed her.

 

Karen probably sensed his mood and asked, “Want to get some waffles? Just the two of us.”

 

 

Ten minutes later they were sitting in the small waffle house down the street, ordering their usual ice cream strawberry waffles. They used to do this every week, when Karen moved their parents asked Jeremy whether he wanted to go with them, but it felt wrong without his big sister, somehow even the waffles didn't taste the same to him.

 

“I see you've been trying desperately to mark your soulmate,” Karen said with a glance to his arms. He flushed, slightly embarrassed by his behaviour. Karen just laughed. “It's totally normal. When I was your age I wrote something on my skin every day, and not just my arms. I thought that maybe if I cover all of my body in writing it would have to work. The look on mom's face when she saw me all in black sharpie doodles was hilarious.”

 

Jeremy had toyed around with this thought once, but it seemed stupid since the arms were the most obvious place for marks.

 

“What I want to say, Jeremy, is that you shouldn't be sad that you weren't marked yet. It will happen, maybe soon, maybe in a couple of years. I know this one couple who only got their marks when they were in their eighties. Can you believe that?”

 

He couldn't imagine what that must have felt like, living eighty years without your soulmate. He just hoped he wouldn't have to wait for so long.

 

“What... What if my soulmate won't like me?” Jeremy hadn't meant to ask this question, and yet he needed to hear Karen's answer. She tilted her head and smiled.

 

“Jeremy Knox, I have yet to meet a person who doesn't immediately adore you. So don't worry about that, you are soulmates for a reason after all.”

 

After that they talked a bit about school and Karen's university, remembered some of their old visits to the waffles house and laughed about silly things like how dad's new glasses made him look like Christopher Reeve's Clarke Kent.

 

;;;

 

When Karen left Jeremy cried and his parents cried which resulted into Ronnie crying and Maddie said they were all being cry-babies and they laughed all the way home.

 

;;;

 

Jeremy wouldn't say that he was very popular at school but he never lacked in friends and got along with most of the kids in his grade. Maddie would say that he's just pretending to be an angel at school and the kids there never had to share a bathroom with him and never had him stealing the last piece of chocolate cake.

 

His best friend was Mickey Nikolaev who lived three houses down the street. He was really into nature and animals and the first thing he did when Jeremy came to school is ask him out about his sister, to be exact about her university, since she was studying ecological and environmental sciences. Sadly he couldn't tell Mickey much, when Karen talked about her courses with their mother Jeremy blanked.

 

They were sitting at lunch when Mickey's sister joined them and complained about her new English assignment, which reminded Jeremy about the maths homework he had forgotten to do with Karen in town.

He was halfway done with it when he heard Mickey squeal. Looking up he saw him point at his sister's arm.

 

“Jenny! Jenny! Your arm!”

 

Looking closer, Jeremy saw black writing across her forearm. He couldn't make out what it said, and didn't want to invade her privacy, but it was obviously not her writing.

 

“Oh my god! I got my mark!” She jumped away from the table and started dancing around, holding her arm like a dance partner. Jenny had always been a bit on the overly dramatic side, but that was the reason he liked being around her. She was fun.

 

After she calmed down she studied her arm and wrote something back, biting back a grin.

 

Mickey was staring at her, waiting for an explanation. When she offered none he asked, “So, what does it say?”

 

“' _Knock, knock._ '”

 

Mickey stared harder. Jeremy groaned, grabbing his lunch out of his backpack. “Why am I not even surprised that your first mark is a knock-knock-joke?”

 

;;;

 

“Jeremy, don't—don't you dare—I will kill you—no—NO!” Maddie ran back into the living room. “MOM! Jeremy ate the last piece of the cake. Again!”

 

Jeremy didn't hear the answer running into his room. When no one followed him he threw himself onto his bed. He thought about calling Karen, but after checking his watch he realized she must be asleep. Jeremy eyed his sharpie for a couple of minutes, then finally gave in and wrote a simple ' _hi_ ' on his left arm. This time he didn't wait for an answer and went to do his homework instead.

 

Later, his mother made him bake a cake. Making this decision Marissa Knox obviously didn't consider the mess her son was capable of doing in the kitchen and that all her son had ever done is a PB&J sandwich.

 

The cake turned out horrible, Maddie said it tasted like what she imagined coal must taste like and Jeremy didn't even argue. He considered taking a piece with him to school for Mickey just to see his reaction, but his mother's death glare after she saw the kitchen made him rush back to his room instead.

 

It was in his bathroom when it happened. He had just finished brushing his teeth and washing the flour of his face when he saw it. On his right wrist, in neat small letters were the words ' _is this real?_ '.

 

;;;

 

He stared at the mark. It could have been hours until he finally absorbed what just happened; traced the words and grabbed a sharpie. He didn't think about what to write back, not really. His hand acted as if it had its on will.

 

Jeremy wrote ' _yes_ ', and after a minute added ' _seems like it_ '.

 

It wasn't the best answer, but he was having a hard time believing that it had actually happened. He had been marked. He marked someone. Jeremy Knox had a soulmate.

 

He didn't get the feeling of home as Karen said, but he felt relief and comfort and some sense of peace. Somewhere out there was a soul which was attuned to Jeremy's, a person he supposedly had the deepest connection to, and someday he would meet them; it was inevitable, all soulmates met eventually.

 

He felt excited, couldn't wait to get to know them, couldn't wait to share his thoughts. Jeremy had thousands of questions swirling in his mind, didn't even know how to begin and to start this relationship. While thinking about his first question a second mark appeared.

 

' _tell me something that will make this real_ '

 

Jeremy understood his disbelief, he was still overwhelmed himself. He wrote in neat letters ' _you're left-handed, right? that's why your marks appear on my right hand_ '

 

This was rather convenient. He saw Jenny struggling with space on her hand, running out of space for another knock-knock-joke or food pun. She would run to the bathroom every couple of minutes to wash her arm full of writing.

 

' _yeah and your handwriting is really messy_ '

 

This made him flush. He was trying as hard as he could to keep it readable, but it wasn't working well. His teachers always complained about it, too. The writing on his right arm was much better, beautiful even. It made him think that his soulmate may be an artist.

 

When he wrote his next words he tried harder. ' _do you want to tell me your name?_ '

 

The answer was a simple ' _no_ '. Jeremy knew that some soulmates didn't want to share their names; saw it as an intervention of fate. Another mark appeared. ' _my mom doesn't want me to share my name with a stranger. and don't tell me yours, wouldn't be fair_ '

 

That was odd. And hurt a bit. ' _I'm not a stranger_ ' he wrote back.

 

' _who knows, maybe you're one of those who wants to kill their soulmate_ '

 

There were cases like this, but Jeremy didn't understand why someone would do that. Being soulmates didn't force anyone to start a relationship in any kind of way; if they didn't want it, why couldn't they just ignore it?

 

' _well I'm not_ '

 

' _tell me something else_ '

 

' _like what?_ '

 

' _I don't know, what is it like where you live?_ '

 

Jeremy thought for a moment, trying to find the right words. He had to write smaller to keep the text on his forearm. ' _it's a small town. I know basically everyone. we always help each other out when there's a problem, but it's also hard because there is not much privacy. I think in the future I will to move to a city with more people, somewhere where I won't bump into my maths teacher every time I get ice-cream_ '

 

He waited for an answer, but none came. He was just about to ask something when lines began to appear on his inner forearm. After a minute he realized they were drawing. His suspicion was right after all. He watched them drawing line after line, mesmerized by them. After what felt like hours, but couldn't be longer than a couple of minutes, he stared at the end result. It was breath-taking.

 

It was a simple drawing, outlines of a beach, the ocean with silent waves, a sunset. On the beach he could make out a couple of silhouettes. He wanted to frame it.

 

Jeremy wrote ' _it's beautiful_ ' and fell asleep with a smile on his face.

 

;;;

 

Jeremy didn't tell his family or friends about the marks. They seemed too personal; he wanted to keep it a secret for some time.

 

They marked each other every evening. Jeremy told them more about his town and about silly things that had happened. More drawings appeared on his arm, a beach house, a fish-market, a grand church. Jeremy wrote about his family and school and friends. They did too, though his right arm usually was more bare than his left. He didn't mind it, he had always been chatty.

 

He once told them about Jenny and her first mark, which resulted in a never ending knock-knock-joke-battle, each one worse than the last.

 

' _knock, knock_ '

  
' _who’s there?_ '

  
' _canoe_ '

  
' _canoe who?_ '

  
' _canoe help me with my homework?_ '

 

' _that was horrible. why should I help you with your homework_ '

 

' _because you're my soulmate_ '

 

;;;

 

' _do you even believe in this soulmate thing?_ ' Jeremy knew some people who didn't believe in the concept, despite the marks. But seeing his parents he couldn't not believe that they were soulmates.

 

' _what do you mean?_ '

 

' _well do you believe that we are actually soulmates? that we are like perfect for each other? in a platonic or some kind of way?_ '

 

' _I don't know_ '

 

Jeremy could live with that. They had years to figure it out.

 

;;;

 

 

One evening Jeremy wasn't feeling well, having received a bad grade on a history test. When he got a mark with another knock-knock-joke he didn't answer. Some time later doodles of stars appeared and a small text. ' _when I was younger I used to go to the beach with my mom on the evenings. we would lie on the sand and look at the stars. I was so fascinated by them. my mother would invent stories about far away planets and the life on them. can you imagine how big the universe it? how much we haven't seen and will never see? that's what I want to do. explore the universe._ '

 

Jeremy didn't mark anything back but a small star. I wasn't nearly as pretty as their doodled star sky, but somehow it seemed enough.

 

;;;

 

' _sometimes I wonder how soulmates are assigned. Is it like they match us by some personality test? or is it on some deeper level we cannot understand?_ '

 

' _do you mean like the personality tests in trashy magazines? your friend told someone a secret she swore to keep. What do you do? a) forgive her b) punch her in the face c) cry and move to another planet_ '

 

' _ha ha ha you are so funny_ '

 

' _it's a legitimate question_ '

 

'…'

 

' _did you just really use our soulmate superpower to mark me three dots_ '

 

' _what are you gonna do about it? a) forgive me b) punch me in the face c) cry and demand a different soulmate_ '

 

' _option c does sound appealing_ '

 

 

 

 

' _you know I was kidding right_ '

 

' _yeah_ '

 

;;;

 

Of course it doesn't take his parents long to see the marks. And in true Knox fashion they called a family meeting.

 

This is how Jeremy found himself sitting in the living room next to Maddie and Ronnie while his parents tried to manage the skype call to Karen.

 

“Mom, Dad, this is completely unnecessary,” Jeremy said for the hundredth time.

 

“Do you know their favourite food?” Ronnie asked him while braiding Maddie's hair, though it looked more like he was just getting knots into it.

 

He couldn't believe they were really doing this. Thank god they didn't call his grandparents and aunts and uncles and the rest of the family, too.

 

“Karen!” Jeremy looked to the screen, and there she was. The video quality was awful, he couldn't make out anything but Karen's face, and even that was blurry.

 

“Hi! Okay, so El couldn't make it, but I promise I'll get her to be here the next time. Also, would it be okay if she came with me next time I come home?”

 

“Of course, sweetheart! We'd love to meet her,” his mom was smiling brightly and Jeremy couldn't help but smile, too. He definitely couldn't wait to meet Karen's girlfriend.

 

His parents started asking her questions about school and the new apartment and he realized this may be his opportunity to get away. He started slowly backing out of the room when his father waved him over. He couldn't just walk away now, so he went to the computer.

 

“Karen, there's something Jeremy wanted to talk about with you. We'll leave you two to it,” his father said, winking at him.

 

He should have known they wouldn't force him to talk about this on a family meeting. Of course they knew he would want to talk to Karen first. He shot his parents a grateful smile and sat down after everyone left the room.

 

“Jer, what's up?”

 

He didn't know how to summarize it, so he just started with the first mark and told her everything. As much as he liked keeping it a secret, it also felt good to finally share it with someone. He found himself laughing with Karen and even showed her the latest drawing.

 

“I can't make out much to be honest, but they sound wonderful. I am really happy for you, Jer.”

 

After they talked a bit more, about school and El he went to tell his parents, who were as excited as Karen. He didn't tell them as much as he told Karen, it felt weird, but they hugged him, agreeing that they sound wonderful and Jeremy was happy.

 

;;;

 

Jeremy was trying to mark a drawing of his house but failing miserably.

 

' _oh my god please stop this is horrible_ '

 

' _you asked for a drawing! I told you I can't draw at all_ '

 

' _I can see that though I wish I couldn't_ '

 

' _it's not that bad_ ' Really, there isn't much one can mess up drawing a house. Sure, it was a bit crooked and the garden didn't look anything like a garden, but the windows weren't bad. He even drew Maddie and Ronnie.

 

' _let's just leave the drawing to me in the future_ '

 

Jeremy had no arguments regarding that. He knew they took art lessons and were obviously talented. Maybe if he took some art lessons himself he would improve.

 

' _is there anything else you do besides drawing? do you maybe play an instrument?_ ' His mother had been encouraging him since last year to take some piano lessons at the school, but he just didn't see the appeal. Maddie had started taking violin lessons and got her own violin a couple of months ago. The first couple of months were painful to his ears, but she had gotten better.

 

' _Exy. I play Exy_ '

 

They had an Exy team at the school, but Jeremy had never even bothered to go to a game. ' _how is it?_ '

 

' _it's amazing. you should try it_ '

 

' _maybe I will_ '

 

;;;

 

And he did. Jeremy went to the try-outs for the Exy team and got in. Mickey went with him but he couldn't stand it. Jenny also joined them and was surprisingly good; usually in PE she didn't bother with participating, calling it a waste of time and public humiliation.

Jeremy liked the game, it was fun. The coach said that with a little bit of time and hard training he could get really good. When Jeremy told his parents they were thrilled. Maddie said she would go to every game he played, but only if she got to paint her face in his teams colours.

 

 

' _so guess who got into the local exy team_ '

 

' _I don't know, queen elizabeth the second?_ '

 

' _yep, I heard she makes a great goalkeeper_ '

 

' _of course she does. I heard she's pretty hard-core, earned her team a red-card last game_ '

 

'…'

 

' _don't even_ '

 

' _imagine being the soulmate of the queen of England though_ '

 

' _who said that you're not_ '

 

' _are you saying that you're the queen of England_ '

 

' _maybe_ '

 

' _honestly why are we even having this conversation_ '

 

;;;

 

Jeremy started training every day except the weekends, and with his soulmate's help he got voted captain of the team after two months. His right arm was full off Exy tips and drawings. He copied all of them into a notebook he got solely for practice. He liked his team and Jenny was a huge help if something wasn't working out. He could imagine playing Exy in college or something. He was really glad for his soulmate's help, but...

 

' _isn't this considered cheating_ '

 

' _why should it be. it's not like I transferred my skills to you or something_ '

 

' _yeah I don't know still feels kind of weird_ '

 

' _for once in your life just be happy and glad for what you have_ '

 

' _I am!_ '

 

' _then stop moping around_ '

 

' _I'm not moping around_ '

 

' _sure_ '

 

This made Jeremy a bit angry. He wasn't moping around in any way and his soulmate was snapping at him more often the last couple of weeks. He didn't want to pry, since they've always been more private than Jeremy with their feelings, but this couldn't just go on like this.

 

' _is something wrong?_ '

 

' _why should it be_ '

 

' _I don't know, you've been acting kind of weird lately, more snappy_ '

 

' _well maybe if you weren't so annoying I wouldn't have to snap at you_ '

 

 

Jeremy didn't mark back. They've never really fought before, and he couldn't tell if this was even a fight, but the words hurt him. He didn't receive a mark back for two days, and then he couldn't take the silence anymore.

 

' _hey_ '

 

For a moment there was nothing, but then lines started appearing. He waited for the full drawing and saw a beach, similar to the first drawing he ever got, only this time there was only one silhouette standing at the water. It made him feel sad. They didn't add anything back, so Jeremy started writing.

 

' _I haven't been to the beach often, but I remember this one time we went on a vacation with the whole family. I remember standing there, looking at the waves and realized how big and powerful the ocean actually is. if I just stepped into the water the waves could carry me away. but you know, if you keep swimming—keep kicking the water with all your strength—you will stay afloat—stay alive._ '

 

He didn't expect an answer, but after a couple of minutes he received a small doodle of a wave, and fell asleep.

 

;;;

 

' _when do you think we'll meet?_ '

 

' _I don't know_ '

 

' _I think it will be soon. you know, just a feeling_ '

 

' _right_ '

 

' _how cool would it be if we met each other at a beach_ '

 

' _that actually sounds really nice_ '

 

;;;

 

Jeremy started received less and less marks. He still marked them every evening, sometimes he got a short answer, sometimes a drawing, but mostly no marks came back.

 

He was worried, he didn't understand why they were pulling back. He went over every conversation they had, but couldn't think of anything. Asking them what was wrong didn't get any answers.

 

His mood grew worse, he couldn't concentrate in school and at Exy practices. He missed them, he missed them so much. His parents noticed of course, and when they sat him down and he explained what's happening his mother said to give them time.

 

“They are probably going through some time right now, and need to be own their own. Everyone needs their alone-days, right? It will all work out, sweetheart. Don't worry.”

 

 

After four months and only six tiny doodles he finally got another mark. When he read it he immediately wished he had got another drawing instead.

 

' _I don't think I'll be able to mark you again_ '

 

' _ever?_ ' and ' _what do you mean?_ ' and ' _what's going on_ ' and ' _please tell me_ ' didn't get an answer.

 

Jeremy broke down. He was crushed with panic. What if they were in danger? Needed help? He was stuck here and couldn't do anything. He hated this. He started crying, ugly, messy sobs and couldn't breath.

 

His father heard him and calmed him down enough to explain what's going on. He started reassuring him that everything will work out, “We'll fix it,” he said, but Jeremy couldn't believe his words.

He stared at his right arm.

 

' _I don't think I'll be able to mark you again_ '

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> well, let the angst and suffering begin :-))))
> 
> pls let me know what you thought of this Mess and you can also hit me up on tumblr [@adampaerrish](http://adampaerrish.tumblr.com/)!! feel free to ask questions if something's unclear bc i know this is weird yikes
> 
> \---  
> update january 2017: i know i wrote this like over a year ago and i promised to finish it (i had like everything maped out, tons of scenes for ch2 and ch3 written out) but the months after i started it i had some personal problem and writers block, and then after several other months i just lost my enthusiasm to finish this... honestly i am really sorry i still get messages about this from time to time but i just don't find the strenght in me to write something i don't feel like writing and don't want to force my way through it bc then it will Suck^tm,, so yeah this is basically me apologizing, i am really sorry...........maybe some day in the future i will feel like finish this but idk def not in the next few months.....again i am sorry but still so thankful for everyone who has read this and left comments and kuddos!!i rlly appreciate it all!!ly!!


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